Whoa whoa whoa! How many ah ha moments until the big ah ha moment! Ha!
I've been really soul searching lately and uncovering a lot of deep experiences that has made me who I am today. It's painful and tough to touch on some experiences of the past. But with looking within I'm uncovering a new me. An awareness of the old me and how I want the new me to be with a balance.
Having a child really brings out a lot if different emotions. Ones that sneak up on you in different situations. So I now know the meaning behind life learning.
This little boy is my light. My everything.
Seeing him go off to daycare today waving, saying bye bye and blowing me a kiss just melted my heart!
Us moms don't give ourselves enough pats on the backs. We usually kick ourselves down when we think we've done something wrong. Let's face it, some days I feel like I've done everything wrong!
Today I gave myself a pat on the back.
Seeing my little independent 23 month old say bye to me this morning with a smile and ready to take on his day with confidence, I know I did some things right :)
So moms! Let's pat ourselves on the back today for doing a great job! We ARE doing a great job!
I'm not sure if any other mom feels the same sometimes, but I feel like my life has been on hold since little one arrived. Of course now with my beautiful son in our lives things have changed, the first year especially takes your everything as you are taking care of this new little person, learning too and enjoying every moment. I always said that my little one comes first no matter what! But I do see that we need some balance. I read many blogs and I see the mom's that seem to have it all together and I think, how!!! Some days I feel stuck and there's so much to do that I do nothing at all ha!
Last night I was reading my blog profile and I didn't even recognize my own writing haha! I use to do that?... and that?.. oh ya! I totally forgot who I was before I became a mom! I want baby K to see that side of me too! Not just being his mommy part! :)
So here I am trying to find that balance! Getting back to my goals. Weight loss goals, travel goals, self improvement goals, family goals, dream goals! This is my blog... Growing towards a dream! And this year of learning to be a mom (which is life learning ha!) is all part of growing towards my dreams too!
My friend over at That Extra 20 Pounds blogged about the Happiness Project. So I decided to buy the book last night on my ipad :) and I can't wait to get started!
My goal this month is to start slowly with balancing all areas in my life.
This morning I woke up feeling a little down. Questioning how I do everything with my baby boy. It was a "oh no! Am I doing things right!?" I started wondering if I'm under feeding or over feeding Baby K, should I be on more of schedule, should I play with him more or have more toys. When should I wean him from breast feeding, how long will it take me, when I give him milk should it be in a bottle or a sippy cup, should I offer him the pacifier only at night and not at all during the day. Do I hold him enough or maybe no enough... A million things in my head doubting myself, doubting everything I'm doing or want to do. What's right? what's wrong?
Then I look at my boy and he is smiling and happy and healthy and I know I'm doing something right. I'm doing what works for our family and that is right for us . I know some might find it weird that these things may stress a mom out, but they do. I want to make the best decisions for my baby boy, and I know I will make a lot of mistakes as a mom. But it's our job to think of what's best for our little ones and at times it can freak us out.
But a smiling baby is definitely reassurance that I'm on the right track.