Sad news

God grant me the SERENITY
to accept the things I cannot change;
COURAGE to change the things I can;
and WISDOM to know the difference.

I received my results yesterday... And It's confirmed that I had a miscarriage.

I guess I knew this was happening ever since the first day I saw the spotting. Many people were comforting me telling me their stories of having pregnancy complications and everything turning out ok. It comforted me... But the first day of spotting, I just knew it wasn't going to be ok.

The first day of spotting I noticed that all the feelings I had the couple weeks before suddenly disappeared! Food aversions, gone. Breast tenderness, gone. Mood swings, gone. Tiredness, gone. I stopped feeling pregnant. This spotting started at week 6. When I started with the cramping last Friday and went to the ER I still felt uneasy even though they said that the heart beat was there and everything was ok. I was happy and grateful but something inside didn't feel right.

I kept thinking of Dr #1 saying HCG levels VERY low for 7 weeks. DR #2 saying my dates are a little off, baby is at 6 weeks not 7. (I knew for a fact that I was 7 weeks, which made me think that at 6 weeks my spotting begun and my baby stopped growing)

Sunday and Monday I had the most pain I have ever felt, menstrual cramps x 100 with increased bleeding ... I knew what was happening, but a part of me was holding on to all the stories that women go through this early on and everything will be ok.

Wednesday I had my ultrasound and yesterday the doctor called and said..... the baby was gone.
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I know I will be ok. I do consider myself a strong person. I have been through a lot growing up and lost many people I loved in my life... this almost seemed normal to experience the feelings of loss again. But it's different... I have overwhelming emotions and a little confused. This was the first time ever being pregnant and for such a short time. I feel like I'm a little foggy... almost as if I'm not sure of who I am anymore, or who I was or who I am suppose to go on to be.... I was pregnant and now I'm not. I feel like everything is just still.

I also have the other side of me that is very logical and understand that many first pregnancies have a 20% to 30% percentage of miscarriage. And I know many women that have gone through this same experience and went on to have beautiful babies. And I also understand that a loss this early in the stage is must easier to deal with than further along. My heart goes out to all women that had to experience such loss.

I just feel so sad because it felt like such a blessing and now it went away...

I promise I won't sound so sad tomorrow.

Thank you for all your support and thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Thank you for also sharing your stories with me. I have many strong women that surround me. Yesterday some family came to visit and they all shared their experiences. My mom lost a baby when she was 4 months pregnant and she shared how hard that that was to deal with. I also was reconnected with a childhood friend that went through a miscarriage last month as well, she was so supportive and shared her experience with me and helped me through mine. I'm grateful for all the wonderful people that surround me.

Eventful Wednesday

Yesterday was soooo eventful! It was also my anniversary :) My husband bought me these pretty flowers, which totally made my day and cheered me up. We also went for a little drive up north (before the storms). Green scenery always boosts my energy and lifts my spirits.


I went for my ultrasound as well yesterday and came home with no information at all, which is extremely frustrating! Especially since I'm in so much pain :( I was up all night tossing and turning with cramps. I hope I get the results today... I can't wait much longer!

Here in Ontario we had some CRAZY weather ! Around 1:30pm yesterday I had just got home from my appt and was sitting on the couch... it started to shift back and forth then I heard the shutters making crackling noises... I looked for Zoe thinking she was jumping around upstairs but then seen her sleeping haha! Either way there was no way Zoe could be doing anything that would shift the whole house!

I tweeted right then, then seen the flood of tweets saying we just had a earthquake! This was a first for many of us! Good thing there was no damage and no one was hurt.

However, we did have tornado's tooo! and some homes where destroyed.

Scary!

It's 9am and my doctor better call soon!!!!

3 years today!

3 years today I married the love of my life!!


Love... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever...

Day 4 of bedrest

Zoe is loving my company. She is always by my side, unless I bother her too much with kisses then she will leave haha! Can't help it! She is one soft kitty!

This morning I had a couple cookies for breakfast. Not nutritional at all...

But, MR CHRISTIE YOU MAKE GOOOOD COOKIES! haha! I did enjoy them with milk so that was my nutritional portion of the breakfast.

Yesterday's killer pain is gone today. Good or bad - not sure. I have my appointment this afternoon with a OB and hopefully we can see what is going on. I also have another ultrasound for tomorrow afternoon. It's just so frustrating not knowing what is going on. I was positive on Saturday knowing the heartbeat was present :) and I'm trying to hold on to that. I started to feel less positive with all the pain and increased bleeding I experienced Sunday and Monday. I've heard many stories of women that spot throughout their pregnancy and have healthy babies. However I have that internal feeling that just doesn't feel right. I need to find out if anything has changed since Saturday. Until I see that, I just don't know what to think. :(

Me, the TV, Laptops and good books.

My new favorite thing is the banana strawberry smoothie from Mcdonalds. I'll be drinking many of these this week I'm sure.

This morning I went to my doctor and we had a long talk. She doesn't like the sound of the back pain and the length of time I've been bleeding (sorry again for TMI) She said all we can do it wait and see and wrote me a note to miss work for a week.

I'll need to stay sitting/laying down and only get up to use the bathroom! My doctor came out and talked to my husband and told him to make sure I don't do anything in the house at all. It was funny, my husband told her not to worry he'll do everything and he's already on to cleaning the whole house (haaha ok he didn't say that exactly ha!)

I asked her about my low HCG levels and the fact that I have NO pregnancy symptoms. She assured me that they were ok and normal along with the ultrasound the missing pregnancy symptoms do not give any answers to good or bad. The problem arises when there is a lot more bleeding than usual then something could go wrong. But if bleeding stops then all can proceed as normal.

I'm going to see a OB tomorrow to get checked out again, and hopefully he can shed some light and give me more answers.

I'm trying really hard not to google every little thing! I'm one of those people that neeeds answers and wants to know, Why? Why? How? When? and What!? But I'm trying not to do that and really want to focus on relaxing and leave it up to the doctors to tell me what's going on.

Thank you for all your support :)

The good news is that I get to catch up on all my blog readings too :)

Short Update

Yesterday I had severe cramping all throughout my back. I'm again worried with what is going on. I'm hoping my doctor is in today or I may go back to the ER. I don't see how this pain can be normal with lots of spotting actually I shouldn't call it spotting as it's pretty much the same as the time of the month! :(

I'm hoping to get in with my family doctor so she can compare my weekend HCG levels with the ones she has on file from 3 weeks ago. This will give a good indication of what is going on. If they are getting higher that is a good sign, if they went lower that could be a bad sign. This weekend at 7 weeks my HCG levels were at 1167 which the ER doctor said was very low... BUT we did see the heart beat so that was good news.

Confused!

Fingers crossed for good news today.

Good news!

Good news! All seems to be OK!

Last night I was feeling a lot of back pain with continued spotting. So we went to nearest ER. We spent about 5 hours there and the doctor said that my HCG levels seem low for 7 weeks but he could not really make any assumptions without seeing an ultrasound first. So they booked the ultrasound for this morning...

I will admit to really expecting the worst... I had all the symptoms of a miscarriage :( and was preparing myself for the worst.

I had increasing spotting
I had loss of pregnancy symptoms
I had menstrual cramps in my back
I had low hcg levels....

At 1030 this morning we went to get the ultrasound done. AND They saw the little embryo! and with a heart rate of 117 bpm!

Doctor said everything looks the way it should!!

Such a relief! I will need to go in for more blood work this week to check my HCG levels and they should double normally so fingers crossed for more good news!

Tonight I'm home with my feet up and just taking it easy and relaxing!

A friend passed by this evening and brought me these delicious cookies she made...

Then my sister came over and brought me these!!! Oh dear!


It's been such a emotional roller coaster today and I feel sooooo drained!

So here is a little dose of extra happiness below, baby's first gifts!

My brother inlaw and his gf bought he or she! this Mother Goose book and little toy so cute! (I had to put them in the closet because Zoe already decided to play with the toy and I found it near the door way the other day!)
My sister bought me these cute little socks! and the softest blanky ever! Love it!

These are the baby's first little items!

Lots of rest.

THANK YOU!

Thanks you so much for all your kind words on my BIG NEWS post yesterday :)

My spotting (TMI sorry) has not gone away and it's been a total of 7 days!

My doctor called today and said that I really need to take it easy and rest the whole weekend and monitor my symptoms.

So that is what I'm doing this weekend. No plans at all and just staying in! I have my books piled up and my computer at hand ready to read blogs all weekend :) and it's bed/couch potato time with my feet up. Glad that husband will be helping out with a lot of stuff. Like laundry! with our new machines we just got. I will watch since I've been waiting for these new machines and want to see them go on their first run haha! I'll also be making a grocery list for him, which is hard for me because as I'm noticing I am a little controlling when it comes to grocery shopping, I really hate that I won't be doing it... weird huh!

Wednesday seems so far from today, and I'm soo anxious to make sure all is ok in there!! I really do not know what to think and frankly I rather not think at all! Just praying for the best!!!

Big and Exciting changes to come!

A definite surprise for us... and a very exciting one!!!

6 tests, just to be sure ahah! and 1 confirmation from my doctor last Thursday!......





I'm pregnant!!!!!!!

Now this explains my lack of weight loss talk ahah!

The story....

May 25... missed period.
Back track to May 18, spotting for 1 day which was an assumed period. So on the 25th I did not think much of it! And according to my Iphone Ovulation app (ha!) I did not think there was the possibility.

May 27... Ah what the heck I'll take a test....

First response test #1. After 3 mins, glanced down at it and only saw 1 dark line. Meaning NOT pregnant. I thought, that's ok, I wasn't really expecting it. 2 mins later I picked it up to throw it away and did a DOUBLE TAKE! 1 faint line..... FAINT LINE HUH. What's that mean... It meant PREGNANT!

Test #2 from the 2 pack i bought haha .....positive.

May 28. Bought 3 more brands... all positive! ugh hem I will admit to carrying these peed up stix in my purse for a week ha!

May 29. Blood work

June 1. Doctor says results are questionable... HUH!?????

June 5. blood work #2 and another preg test #6 to take the same day! haha! my test positive 2 dark lines....

June 10......... CONFIRMED by DOC! I'm pregnant! Which by my calculations today makes me almost 7 weeks!

I wasn't sure when to tell the blog world. Many people wait until after their first trimester. I'm so excited and I wanted to share it with my amazing bloggy friends right away, these past few weeks felt like forever! AND I'll need all your tips and advice! because the truth is... within my happiness and gratefulness...I'm a little terrified!

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*** I wrote this a couple days ago then hesitated to post it. BUT It's really hard for me not to express my feelings and I have an amazing group of followers so decided to let you all in!...My concern - I've been having some spotting for a week now and wasn't sure what to think! Doctor told me to take it easy and get a lot of rest and I have my first ultrasound next week which will make me close to 8 weeks. Lets pray for good news!

Lazy Tuesday.

Why does Zoe ALWAYS sleep on the dining room table! What is so comfy about it? Why can't she pick the spare bedroom or the bathroom or anywhere else but the table! haha!

I made tonight a lazy Tuesday night. I came home made dinner... Pork chops and beans with salad and potatoes...YUM!
And I just stayed on the couch with my feet up watching TV! Sometimes these lazy days are soooo neeeded!

Tomorrow in soccer, Honduras and Chile play . We are going over to the inlaws for some delicious Honduran food tomorrow! Can't wait! Loving the world cup games!

Hope you all are having a great week so far!