A really good Monday!

Today I did great with planning my meals!

I'm still sticking with my usual breakfasts of either a smoothie or weight control oatmeal.

My lunch today was a delicious salad with cucumbers and a hard boiled egg.

My husband started a new job today, we use to carpool everyday but that has come to an end... Not too happy about driving my own butt to work...I actually have to be awake instead of half asleep being driven. But it's pretty good since we won't be together after work which mean less chance of us going out for dinner instead of making a home cooked meal.

So tonight I got home first and prepared dinner!

I've been working out 3 times a week and so far I'm sticking to it!

I'm also really really trying to cut the caffeine. I'm not sure when it happened but I'm totally an addict! And every time I tell myself only one, I fight with myself to not drink another!

In Quebec City I ordered a latte in a bowl... yes BOWL!!

I know there is a lot of controversy about Caffeine and pregnancy, but I've been reading about links to Miscarriages and Caffeine intake before conception. Sooooo that scares me!!! (Not pregnant, just thinking future :)

Overall, I know it's all about balance! Eating healthy, working out and everything in moderation!

My Brother in-law is just the person to help with this! He just started blogging. He has been a personal trainer for about 3 years. (I know! He will be upset when he see's how many times I write about fast food! haha!Sorry J) He will have health and fitness tips for us all so be sure to check it out! /www.jam4fitness.blogspot.com/

Happy Monday and a great start in the Diet Dept!

Sweet little girl

My little niece is so sweet! She got to go home yesterday and she had soo many visitors!

My grandma, M's great grandma!
She is so cute! Really I would go visit everyday! But I don't want to get in their way ahah! I'll go tomorrow ha!

My workout regime pretty much stopped this week, way too much excitement with the new baby.

I'm counting my calories but knowingly going over. UGH I'm having a hard time! But I will keep on going and try my best everyday.

The good news is that I fit into a pair of pants that I haven't worn since May! (pre MC) But no weight has been lost GRRR. I am not happy with my current weight. I'm at a weight I've never gotten up to before so it bothers me! But I guess not enough to make some extreme changes... I'm not an extreme type of gal.... I have my plan and I'll work slowly on that aha!

Today's Food Journal
BF - strawberry/milk/blueberry smoothie
SNK - medium coffee
Lunch- half a sandwich, 2 spring rolls (they were selling them at work!)
Snack- handful of almonds and tea
Dinner- 1 pork chop, beans and some potato wedges
SNK- 3 choc chip cookies (I KNOW I KNOW!!!!) sigh.....

No exercise today, however I did jump on my trampoline twice for 2 mins while I worked in my home office tonight aahaha!

Visit to the OB update

This morning I went to my OB to get checked out and make sure all was ok. I also had a million questions for him too. OB offices are so busy! Wow! Lots of preggo's out there. As I was waiting outside the room I heard another lady's baby heart beat, it was nice.

When I went in the doctor opened my file and saw that last weeks ultrasounds shows a complete miscarriage, that means everything was expelled and no DNC is required. He suggested I continue taking Materna and wait 3 full cycles if I decide to try again.

I asked questions about why etc...and the doctor just said that it is something that is really unknown and miscarriages can just happen. He said they are very common (which I still think is so strange!) He had 4 women this morning that all had one. 4 in one morning, I don't know about this, the numbers seem soo high to me.

He also said that there still is a 25% chance of miscarrying again but looking at that with the glass half full that's 75% chance I won't!

I don't really know how to feel about it all.

Tomorrow I'm going back to work. Maybe I'm grumpy mostly about that :) BUT we do have Thursday off for Canada day so I'm only working Wednesday and Friday.. not bad at all.

Sad news

God grant me the SERENITY
to accept the things I cannot change;
COURAGE to change the things I can;
and WISDOM to know the difference.

I received my results yesterday... And It's confirmed that I had a miscarriage.

I guess I knew this was happening ever since the first day I saw the spotting. Many people were comforting me telling me their stories of having pregnancy complications and everything turning out ok. It comforted me... But the first day of spotting, I just knew it wasn't going to be ok.

The first day of spotting I noticed that all the feelings I had the couple weeks before suddenly disappeared! Food aversions, gone. Breast tenderness, gone. Mood swings, gone. Tiredness, gone. I stopped feeling pregnant. This spotting started at week 6. When I started with the cramping last Friday and went to the ER I still felt uneasy even though they said that the heart beat was there and everything was ok. I was happy and grateful but something inside didn't feel right.

I kept thinking of Dr #1 saying HCG levels VERY low for 7 weeks. DR #2 saying my dates are a little off, baby is at 6 weeks not 7. (I knew for a fact that I was 7 weeks, which made me think that at 6 weeks my spotting begun and my baby stopped growing)

Sunday and Monday I had the most pain I have ever felt, menstrual cramps x 100 with increased bleeding ... I knew what was happening, but a part of me was holding on to all the stories that women go through this early on and everything will be ok.

Wednesday I had my ultrasound and yesterday the doctor called and said..... the baby was gone.
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I know I will be ok. I do consider myself a strong person. I have been through a lot growing up and lost many people I loved in my life... this almost seemed normal to experience the feelings of loss again. But it's different... I have overwhelming emotions and a little confused. This was the first time ever being pregnant and for such a short time. I feel like I'm a little foggy... almost as if I'm not sure of who I am anymore, or who I was or who I am suppose to go on to be.... I was pregnant and now I'm not. I feel like everything is just still.

I also have the other side of me that is very logical and understand that many first pregnancies have a 20% to 30% percentage of miscarriage. And I know many women that have gone through this same experience and went on to have beautiful babies. And I also understand that a loss this early in the stage is must easier to deal with than further along. My heart goes out to all women that had to experience such loss.

I just feel so sad because it felt like such a blessing and now it went away...

I promise I won't sound so sad tomorrow.

Thank you for all your support and thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Thank you for also sharing your stories with me. I have many strong women that surround me. Yesterday some family came to visit and they all shared their experiences. My mom lost a baby when she was 4 months pregnant and she shared how hard that that was to deal with. I also was reconnected with a childhood friend that went through a miscarriage last month as well, she was so supportive and shared her experience with me and helped me through mine. I'm grateful for all the wonderful people that surround me.