A walk in nature

Tonight I went down to the city. My sister and I went for a walk in High Park. We walked for about an hour and a half. It was a great work out. I wore my easytones and I just know I will feel it tomorrow.

This little guy joined us for a little while, following us around until we got pretty freaked out and ran away from it ha!


It was such a beautiful night for a walk too.

I decided to really revamp my workouts this summer and will be getting into it next week. I'll blog about it when I come up with my new schedule. I also decided to buy ROLLER BLADES! Yippy! I'm getting them this weekend. I need to focus my attention on other things or I will make myself crazy... and focusing on exercise will help in more ways than one! :)

Visit to the OB update

This morning I went to my OB to get checked out and make sure all was ok. I also had a million questions for him too. OB offices are so busy! Wow! Lots of preggo's out there. As I was waiting outside the room I heard another lady's baby heart beat, it was nice.

When I went in the doctor opened my file and saw that last weeks ultrasounds shows a complete miscarriage, that means everything was expelled and no DNC is required. He suggested I continue taking Materna and wait 3 full cycles if I decide to try again.

I asked questions about why etc...and the doctor just said that it is something that is really unknown and miscarriages can just happen. He said they are very common (which I still think is so strange!) He had 4 women this morning that all had one. 4 in one morning, I don't know about this, the numbers seem soo high to me.

He also said that there still is a 25% chance of miscarrying again but looking at that with the glass half full that's 75% chance I won't!

I don't really know how to feel about it all.

Tomorrow I'm going back to work. Maybe I'm grumpy mostly about that :) BUT we do have Thursday off for Canada day so I'm only working Wednesday and Friday.. not bad at all.

Family makes life beautiful

Today I spent the day with my lovely sister. It was filled with ice cream and fruits and cupcakes and chicken and french fries ha!

My sister has really been there for me the past 2 weeks. I am sooo grateful to have her in my life. She called me everyday to check up on me and see how I was feeling, she came to visit me so many times when I was on bed rest bringing me gifts each time (I know, she rocks) She was right by my side without any hesitation. I don't know how I will repay her...

We had a great day. We drove around the city. Visited my grandparents and went window shopping in the Junction. (a part of town)


My Grandparents made me eat these HUGE chicken wings! I get the "food always makes you feel better" from my grandparents, they see food as the cure for all things. Eat, Eat you'll feel better! Not a good thing for my scale. (another topic I will hit this week) My grandparents are so cute. They hugged and kissed me when they saw me. They asked how I was feeling and told me not to worry about anything. They gave me the reassurance that everything will be ok, you'll see. My grandfather said to listen to him because he is wise and he knows :) I just love them so much.

Then we headed to my mom's house my sister needed to get some baking done for her charity so I helped too.

I also helped eat some of them too.

I had a great day out with my sister. The one thing with my family is that we always get closer in the hard times. When someone is down we will all be around to cheer each other up and help in any way that we can. I'm glad that I never need to go through the hard times alone, it gives me strength to move forward knowing I have so many loving friends, family and husband.

Now I'm home and going to spend the rest of the evening in my husbands arms. Together we are growing stronger, he is truly my rock.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Thank you

Thank you sooo much for all the sweet and comforting comments. I am so grateful for everyone in my life and so happy that I have my blog to express myself. :)

Yesterday I had to clear my head so my sister came over and we went to Homesense. Word art always makes me feel better. I picked up these in the clearance section. (I'm actually running out of space in my house but I love word art!.)




Then I was looking for a plaque with the Serenity prayer but couldn't find one. But one of my cousins was at the mall today and found me this. Made my day! :)
Looking forward to a calm weekend home.

Sad news

God grant me the SERENITY
to accept the things I cannot change;
COURAGE to change the things I can;
and WISDOM to know the difference.

I received my results yesterday... And It's confirmed that I had a miscarriage.

I guess I knew this was happening ever since the first day I saw the spotting. Many people were comforting me telling me their stories of having pregnancy complications and everything turning out ok. It comforted me... But the first day of spotting, I just knew it wasn't going to be ok.

The first day of spotting I noticed that all the feelings I had the couple weeks before suddenly disappeared! Food aversions, gone. Breast tenderness, gone. Mood swings, gone. Tiredness, gone. I stopped feeling pregnant. This spotting started at week 6. When I started with the cramping last Friday and went to the ER I still felt uneasy even though they said that the heart beat was there and everything was ok. I was happy and grateful but something inside didn't feel right.

I kept thinking of Dr #1 saying HCG levels VERY low for 7 weeks. DR #2 saying my dates are a little off, baby is at 6 weeks not 7. (I knew for a fact that I was 7 weeks, which made me think that at 6 weeks my spotting begun and my baby stopped growing)

Sunday and Monday I had the most pain I have ever felt, menstrual cramps x 100 with increased bleeding ... I knew what was happening, but a part of me was holding on to all the stories that women go through this early on and everything will be ok.

Wednesday I had my ultrasound and yesterday the doctor called and said..... the baby was gone.
**********************************************************************************

I know I will be ok. I do consider myself a strong person. I have been through a lot growing up and lost many people I loved in my life... this almost seemed normal to experience the feelings of loss again. But it's different... I have overwhelming emotions and a little confused. This was the first time ever being pregnant and for such a short time. I feel like I'm a little foggy... almost as if I'm not sure of who I am anymore, or who I was or who I am suppose to go on to be.... I was pregnant and now I'm not. I feel like everything is just still.

I also have the other side of me that is very logical and understand that many first pregnancies have a 20% to 30% percentage of miscarriage. And I know many women that have gone through this same experience and went on to have beautiful babies. And I also understand that a loss this early in the stage is must easier to deal with than further along. My heart goes out to all women that had to experience such loss.

I just feel so sad because it felt like such a blessing and now it went away...

I promise I won't sound so sad tomorrow.

Thank you for all your support and thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Thank you for also sharing your stories with me. I have many strong women that surround me. Yesterday some family came to visit and they all shared their experiences. My mom lost a baby when she was 4 months pregnant and she shared how hard that that was to deal with. I also was reconnected with a childhood friend that went through a miscarriage last month as well, she was so supportive and shared her experience with me and helped me through mine. I'm grateful for all the wonderful people that surround me.

Eventful Wednesday

Yesterday was soooo eventful! It was also my anniversary :) My husband bought me these pretty flowers, which totally made my day and cheered me up. We also went for a little drive up north (before the storms). Green scenery always boosts my energy and lifts my spirits.


I went for my ultrasound as well yesterday and came home with no information at all, which is extremely frustrating! Especially since I'm in so much pain :( I was up all night tossing and turning with cramps. I hope I get the results today... I can't wait much longer!

Here in Ontario we had some CRAZY weather ! Around 1:30pm yesterday I had just got home from my appt and was sitting on the couch... it started to shift back and forth then I heard the shutters making crackling noises... I looked for Zoe thinking she was jumping around upstairs but then seen her sleeping haha! Either way there was no way Zoe could be doing anything that would shift the whole house!

I tweeted right then, then seen the flood of tweets saying we just had a earthquake! This was a first for many of us! Good thing there was no damage and no one was hurt.

However, we did have tornado's tooo! and some homes where destroyed.

Scary!

It's 9am and my doctor better call soon!!!!

3 years today!

3 years today I married the love of my life!!


Love... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever...

Day 4 of bedrest

Zoe is loving my company. She is always by my side, unless I bother her too much with kisses then she will leave haha! Can't help it! She is one soft kitty!

This morning I had a couple cookies for breakfast. Not nutritional at all...

But, MR CHRISTIE YOU MAKE GOOOOD COOKIES! haha! I did enjoy them with milk so that was my nutritional portion of the breakfast.

Yesterday's killer pain is gone today. Good or bad - not sure. I have my appointment this afternoon with a OB and hopefully we can see what is going on. I also have another ultrasound for tomorrow afternoon. It's just so frustrating not knowing what is going on. I was positive on Saturday knowing the heartbeat was present :) and I'm trying to hold on to that. I started to feel less positive with all the pain and increased bleeding I experienced Sunday and Monday. I've heard many stories of women that spot throughout their pregnancy and have healthy babies. However I have that internal feeling that just doesn't feel right. I need to find out if anything has changed since Saturday. Until I see that, I just don't know what to think. :(

Me, the TV, Laptops and good books.

My new favorite thing is the banana strawberry smoothie from Mcdonalds. I'll be drinking many of these this week I'm sure.

This morning I went to my doctor and we had a long talk. She doesn't like the sound of the back pain and the length of time I've been bleeding (sorry again for TMI) She said all we can do it wait and see and wrote me a note to miss work for a week.

I'll need to stay sitting/laying down and only get up to use the bathroom! My doctor came out and talked to my husband and told him to make sure I don't do anything in the house at all. It was funny, my husband told her not to worry he'll do everything and he's already on to cleaning the whole house (haaha ok he didn't say that exactly ha!)

I asked her about my low HCG levels and the fact that I have NO pregnancy symptoms. She assured me that they were ok and normal along with the ultrasound the missing pregnancy symptoms do not give any answers to good or bad. The problem arises when there is a lot more bleeding than usual then something could go wrong. But if bleeding stops then all can proceed as normal.

I'm going to see a OB tomorrow to get checked out again, and hopefully he can shed some light and give me more answers.

I'm trying really hard not to google every little thing! I'm one of those people that neeeds answers and wants to know, Why? Why? How? When? and What!? But I'm trying not to do that and really want to focus on relaxing and leave it up to the doctors to tell me what's going on.

Thank you for all your support :)

The good news is that I get to catch up on all my blog readings too :)

Short Update

Yesterday I had severe cramping all throughout my back. I'm again worried with what is going on. I'm hoping my doctor is in today or I may go back to the ER. I don't see how this pain can be normal with lots of spotting actually I shouldn't call it spotting as it's pretty much the same as the time of the month! :(

I'm hoping to get in with my family doctor so she can compare my weekend HCG levels with the ones she has on file from 3 weeks ago. This will give a good indication of what is going on. If they are getting higher that is a good sign, if they went lower that could be a bad sign. This weekend at 7 weeks my HCG levels were at 1167 which the ER doctor said was very low... BUT we did see the heart beat so that was good news.

Confused!

Fingers crossed for good news today.