Burnt out and time to boost energy!

I'm feeling burnt out! The past 2 months of juggling family and work and being sick every other week has me totally burnt out! I can hardly think straight!

This weekend I plan to re-evaluate my goals... I've been saying that for the last month, but I've been so tired I keep forgetting ha!

What do I want for 2013? I'm not exactly sure yet! I'm hoping to make this all clear this weekend!

When I bought the book The Happiness project, I started it, then decided to leave it till January... Well it's January now.

The first chapter "boost energy"

Very fitting for my mood these days.

I'm on it! Happy weekend!

Night in the ER with baby boy

Little man has been sick with a fever and cough all week!

Yesterday his temp went back up and his breathing was pretty heavy. His nose was flaring and he was breathing fast as he was struggling to breathe ;(

I called telehealth (lucky to have this here). Talked to a nurse and with telling them all the symptoms they told us to go to the ER. So we headed down to sick kids to get checked out. The nurses and doctors were awesome. They gave him a ventilator mask (not sure what it's called) and they monitored his breathing. They told us he is fighting a virus and the worst of it is day 3-5 which we are at.

Kristian was so good at the hospital watching them take his temp and listen to his chest.

We got home at 4am. All 3 of us were pooped!

Ugh! the hardest thing is seeing your little one sick and not being able to do anything but try and comfort them. There were a lot of parents with sick kids last night, some very serious ;( He is doing better today and I'm praying for all the little kiddies fighting an illness ;( my heart aches for the families.

Zombiemoms taken to the next level

Hi, I'm tired... No wait... Exhausted! I can't tell you how my eyes are still even open right now.

Mr K has been sick with a cold, ear infection now a cough since he started daycare last month.

Last night was the worst. He cried ALL night. He slept only a couple of hours and not in a row. We were up all night! I stayed home with him today to bring him to the doctor. He has a bad cough and he prescribed a puffer.

Kristian is soo tired too. Last night was too much even for him (mr hates sleep)

He hasn't been eating to well either the past 2 days ;( which makes me worry he will drop some weight.

Ahh the stresses of a mom!!! And work? I don't even want to talk about it. But the last 2 days I was located Downtown in the mall. Love DT and the mall ha! but not the drive when you live in the suburbs ;) and not when daycare calls that baby has a fever and getting to him takes over an hour.

Praying my little guy gets over this bug and gets a break from it all too!!!

Overwhelmed working mom

My take on being a working mom....

It's HARD!!!!!!!!! HARD HARD HARD I actually feel like I'm being punished for all the bad things I ever done in my life right now haha I am not kidding.

I'm exhausted. How do you even get to enjoy life and your sweet growing baby when as soon as you walk in the door from being at work all day it's go go go!  cooking dinner, eating, bathing the baby, bathing yourself, cleaning up (which I hardly do! My house is a disaster) getting everything ready for the next day.... and trying to fit in life in between even relaxing time, tv time forget that! My little one doesn't have the best sleep patterns. Going into work sleep deprived makes a very grumpy me. Then I look at our own schedules, and it's never the same 2 days in a row, I don't blame him for the sleep patterns he has, I blame us for not having a consistent life or routine. 

I've been trying to let go... let go of having a messy house, who cares right. Let go of the laundry piled up, clean clothes in baskets for weeks... not a big deal. Another thing that is hard to get control of is eating healthy... I'm trying hard to keep it going for baby K, I don't want him eating junk food but life is busy and the Mcdonalds drive through for nuggets is convenient some nights :( And me, I won't even go there! I think I've been eating the worst I ever have! I don't have the time to even think about what I want for lunch the next day when I can barely see straight or have the time. And the stress of my job is on high the past couple weeks, going for interviews not knowing what the outcome will be. DH has a demanding job too so both our stress levels have been high. It's not fun.

I have a new respect for moms... we do it all... Men, haven't got a CLUE!

I wrote a post on the happiness project last week. But I can't even imagine how to change anything in my life right now when I'm struggling to get through my day and my main focus above all is to spend whatever time I have playing and teaching my son a few things, before I blink my eyes and he's 20! Sigh!

I don't usually use my blog to vent all my problems (only when I get totally overwhelmed which has been a lot this year) I try to keep it light and focused on the more positive aspects of our life... but right now... I'm not that positive. I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm feeling exhausted, guilty, frustrated, hopeless. If I could just cry all day I would! Trying to focus on the good things in my life like watching baby K play at daycare. He has so much fun. I know he is happy and healthy and that is the most important thing. It's been 3 weeks and I still do not have a grasp of being a working mom at all, and I miss my baby boy so much every day :(


Does your day to day get overwhelming some times?

It's been kookoo for cocoa puffs around here

Haha I always say that! I Really do feel like I'm kookoo these days.

My sweet little guy is still sick ;( his ear infection isn't gone yet, and after the first round of antibiotics I thought he would be better, then a week went by and he seemed to be getting worse!

He had a fever all day yesterday and I decided to work from home today and bring him to the doctor. His ear infection is back or never left and he is now on his second round of antibiotics.

I'll work from home tomorrow too. I want him back to his fun little self again!!!

Trying to find work life balance is so hard with a little one. Especially these days when they are sick and need you.
It's sooo hard! I can't send him to daycare like this. He needs all day cuddles!!!

Not even a week and exhausted

I heard other mothers tell me that the first week back to work is the hardest, and oh they are sooo right.

We have been doing well with timing after work and before. Getting out the door is fine! Coming home making dinner is ok too, although with a hungry baby I need more ready made things to feed him quick!

There are a couple things happening the past couple nights.

Mr cranky teething baby with his new Whiney cry ;( it's hard seeing my sweet baby so cranky.

He has been falling asleep at 8pm sharp with no hassle. But has been waking up many times at night and last night was the worst!! He was up every 1-2 hour screaming!!! And nothing helped, Tylenol, nursing, nothing!

I'm not sure how I even made it out the door.

Being a SAHM is tough too, no breaks it's a 24 hour job I know this! Now Being a working mom is just as hard. It comes with some other things. The guilt of spending less time with your little one, and when they are cranky makes it worse!! Having to go into work on 2 hours sleep is crazy too!

I see other families doing fine with their routines... Are they? Or they don't talk about it or complain like I do haha. I know with time we will get it too... Right... Right!?

It hasn't even been a week and it's getting hard to see how we will make this all work out.

This mama is tired!!!!

Love my baby boy and he just melts my heart with his smile. I want to see more smiles! Less cries! haha he only has 6 teeth so we have a long way to go.

Happy Halloween with scary emotions!

Happy Halloween everyone. Baby K is dressed at Superman! We dressed him when he was 3 days old last year as Superman too! He was sooo cute today all dressed up heading to daycare!

Today is the third day of daycare. Leaving him an extra 2 hours longer than yesterday.

When he went in I stayed outside a bit looking through the window to see him. And then I just cried! I went to the car and had one of those hard cries! ;(

Never did I think this would be soooo hard!!!

He loves daycare, and the teachers and helpers are great! I have comfort in that!

As I was peeking in I could see Kristian paying attention to the teacher as she talked to him and he would give a half smile and babble back. He looked so cute sitting in between his 2 girlfriends haha. My heart just ached. I wanted to stay there the whole day and watch him! ;(

Love my little Superman!!!

Work and daycare after maternity leave

We are counting down these days! 2 weeks until daycare!!! I had the extra month home with my little one but the feelings are exactly the same as they were before!

Again, I know how lucky we are here in Canada to even get that 1 year maternity leave! And I was lucky enough to be able to take some extra time on top of that. But why to I feel like its not enough! He won't be a baby forever! I guess I don't want to miss a thing!

When they talk about separation anxiety in babies, I think they should be talking about moms... Moms like me. Ha!

I love spending my days with my little guy. He is learning and growing soo fast!

He follows some simple commands these days and it's amazing to watch.

He will sip his water when I tell him to drink his water. He will tickle himself when I tell him to tickle tickle. He combs his hair. Points the remote to change the channel. He will feed you when you ask for some. He says BA while waving bye. These are just some of those adorable things he does. It's cute!!!

Baby K will love daycare too, that I know. He loves being around people and he is so social. The extra month I had off with him got him daytime weaned so in that department we are good too.

I know we will adjust. Many of you have gone through the same thing. Many have given me some tips and remind me that I will get a new routine going that will work. The anxiety of the approaching change is just overwhelming!

And if you haven't noticed from reading my blog, I have some issues when dealing with change. Which is now even harder.

With a child my decisions don't just involve me! When I think about work I think about when to start my work day and finish making it the best scenario for my baby. I don't want to work so far away from his daycare either! These things never mattered before but are now the kind of things that I think about!

Sigh, I may have many bloggy meltdowns be prepared friends haha ;)

Did my baby poop?

These are the things that worry me these days haha. I'm now always making sure my little one is ok. Did he poop today? Is he eating and drinking enough? Did he sleep enough? Is he in pain!? All concerned mommy questions!

My little guy has been teething, his first tooth is making it's way out! Even though he was never been the greatest at sleep, teething has him up sooo much at night!

Yesterday wasn't too bad, but the night before he was up every hour!

He has been pretty cranky too, so I'm making sure he gets all his naps in during the day.

Weaning off Breastfeeding and sleep training is all on hold for now.

Today we went out to buy him some new toys. ;) hope it helps him feel better.

Baby smiles make my day

This morning I woke up feeling a little down. Questioning how I do everything with my baby boy. It was a "oh no! Am I doing things right!?" I started wondering if I'm under feeding or over feeding Baby K, should I be on more of schedule, should I play with him more or have more toys. When should I wean him from breast feeding, how long will it take me, when I give him milk should it be in a bottle or a sippy cup, should I offer him the pacifier only at night and not at all during the day. Do I hold him enough or maybe no enough... A million things in my head doubting myself, doubting everything I'm doing or want to do. What's right? what's wrong?

Then I look at my boy and he is smiling and happy and healthy and I know I'm doing something right. I'm doing what works for our family and that is right for us . I know some might find it weird that these things may stress a mom out, but they do. I want to make the best decisions for my baby boy, and I know I will make a lot of mistakes as a mom. But it's our job to think of what's best for our little ones and at times it can freak us out.

But a smiling baby is definitely reassurance that I'm on the right track.

A blogger gift!

I received this gift today from a blogger friend! Jenn from http://chancesimtaking.blogspot.com/ had a giveaway last month. Look how pretty the bracelet is. Thanks!! :)
Today was a rough day at work, I ended up getting home at 7pm! GRRR I was not happy. I had plans to shop tonight but instead I'm snuggling on my couch with a tall cup of tea and the TV!


Here is a pic of the little book I've been reading every night to put me back on track. I read 2 pages every night. I love it and it makes me smile always! "Wink at your stress: we all know you aren't so important" :)

Oh Friday!

Ahhh Friday! You couldn't have come at a better time haha! What a week! Work has totally drained me this week. So glad I only have one more day of that torture till the weekend!

Tonight I went out makeup shopping. I bought a $20.00 lipstick, I don't usually wear lipstick, I mostly do glosses. But with actual lipstick I really like Matte ones. I guess I never noticed how many Matte lipsticks they don't sell! There was not much selection. I got a really nice Matte pink lipstick and really love it, worth the 20 bucks.

I've been slowly cutting down on the coffee. I did really well this week. Every morning I heat half a cup of milk and add it to half a cup of coffee. I had only 1 coffee a day this week and only twice this week I had a afternoon tea. So I'm getting there :)

Sooo the weekend is almost here! I'm excited for the weekend. Nothing specific planned so far but spending time with the husband going out and having fun will be on the list! My goal this weekend is to choose the healthier choices when eating out. I tend to forget this when I'm out having a good time.

Hope you all had a better work week than I did!!

Are you an emotional eater

I am!... an emotional eater that is. As I mentioned before on my blog, I've been getting monthly meltdowns. I've tracked them every month and have come to the conclusion that it has to do with the "women" thing ahah! I get angry, frustrated, emotional, extreme sleepiness all these to the highest peek all in a couple hours then the next day I'm drained tired moopy hating the world, it's true...Then it's gone, all better like nothing happened. WEIRD! Husband is getting scared away! I also find that when i eat more it makes me feel better, more things with more sugar more sale all the bad stuff. Such a horrible habit to have! Have any of my lady followers felt this before? It's only started happening for the last 4 months and pretty much at the same day every month. Trying not to make this post with TMI. ahahah! So I'll stop at that.

On to more happier news. My friend over at http://www.believinginserendipity.com/has both her nephews home. They had a rough start coming into this world but they fought their hardest and they are both home with their mommy and daddy finally! Praying so much for them! Go check out the pics of them, they are so cute!

What is up with these emotions!

Can you say MELTDOWN! That is pretty much what I had last night. Work has been really stressful then I have a daily busy after work schedule that just caught up to me. (perfect kitty pic above to express this, (my mom's cat ahha)

So after work yesterday when I walked in the door and saw my kitties fur balls every where and the sink full of dishes and the laundry piled up and an inbox full of side business emails and the mail piled up... I started to feel a tad overwhelmed. I expressed this to my husband calmly of course (yelling loud and CLEAR) and he agreed that we will split the house work and that it's not a big deal etc. Fine... But I was not done. As we were working out and I was on the Gazelle, I was continuing releasing all that was upsetting me... I don't even know what I was mad about, I think I mentioned everything and everybody and really don't think I made much sense. THEN I lost it, I had a meltdown and CRIEDDDD like that sobbing cry and I was angry! Where on earth did this anger come from. I was tired and angry and stressed and crying!! So I just went straight to bed. Then again after work today, with no real reason to stress I broke down into tears again! What is up with these emotions!

I think the last 2 days taught my husband to just listen and not make it worse by adding his suggestions. I was not looking for a solution, I'm not sure what I needed... But I feel better now after my 2 overwhelming meltdowns and Mr husband hugging me and taking me to a late dinner to make me feel better.

Being a woman is just so fun! ha!

Friday Finally!

This week I've been doing pretty good with my eating, with a few exceptions, but overall keeping within my calories. Something changed this week, I've been drinking so much milk! I hardly drink milk and I've been having 2 full cups a night! Since my new found love for milk I figure this weekend when I do groceries I'll buy 1% instead so I can save those calories.

I'm so happy it's Friday and we have Monday off for "Family Day" a long weekend is sooo needed! This week I've been so tired, I feel like a slug going through my days then when I get home I don't want to do anything. Sometimes I wonder how could I be so tired taking care of just meeee!hmm.

On another topic, today I stopped by Homesense and found this Cat piece. When I paid for it the cashier said "Oh finally the cat is gone, it was here for so long" LOL my husband looked at me with a "what a cat freak you are" look ... ugh I am... :)


And talking about cats, that little girl Zoe has been SOOOOO BAD lately! We have been so busy or just so tired we are not giving her the affection she use to. Every night she meows and jumps on things and running out the door every chance she gets and begging for food, all foods it's so weird she wants whatever we have, she thinks she's a dog ahah!. I know she is just looking for our attention so it makes me feel bad, but her meowssss they are turning into screams! Ok I exaggerated haha! She is still my cute furbaby I love her no matter what! :)

Happy Fridayyyyyyyy!

Just one of those days...

So I’m having one of those days, where the glass is half empty. Yesterday I was so tired and so cranky and today is not that much better. Today is a grump post, so feel free to skip it :p

My mood… Is Blahh! That is how I feel inside and out! Could it be that I’m cutting so many calories and my body is mad that it’s hungry. HUH light bulb just went off here, it could be because I am a little hungry and therefore irritable. Well either way I was on a downer and my head was going to explode with the whole woulda/shoulda/coulda still wanna do type stuff. Really this could drive a person crazy. I have that overwhelming feeling of boredom again and it seems it is only during the week, the repetitive day in and day out, Blahh! Everything in me is going against it.

Today as I tweeted my grumpiness I started thinking of things I enjoy... and I know I love blogging!

So I decided today to make things a little more fun. I love blogging and I love reading my blogger friends blogs so I decided I will start doing giveaways. I never did them before so I will peek at other blogs to see how it’s done. I'm excited for a giveaway!

So keep up with my blog posts one of them will have a giveaway very soon :)

**Diet update - 1pm and only 600 calories left for my day. Ugh oh.

Ahh Finally Friday!

It's Friday night and I'm already in bed. I skipped out on a night out with the moms of suburbia tonight. I was looking forward to finally meeting them all, since we have been here at our new home for almost 6 months. However I bailed, I have not been in a social mood at all.

*In bed at 8pm, beats my falling asleep at 6pm twice this week.

*My job is extremely hard and sooo much work it's draining everything I've got.

* I only cooked at home once this week, but did eat wraps everyday for lunch.

*My appetite has not really been around this week, I've been sluggish and all I want to do is stay in bed after work.

*I have horrible tension headaches EVERYDAY! Omg why GOD WHY!!

* I haven't caught up on any of my books...really I read documents all day I can't possibly pick up anything else to read my eyes are tired! I'm so behind on my fav blogs too ;(

*My house is a mess, bills are being neglected and poor Zoe has not been getting my attention

*My weight loss goals have totally been scrapped this week and not sure if I should do my weigh in Saturday. hmm

*I'm really hoping my bad mood passes, I miss smiling and laughing and my life! ( I know dramatic, but that's how I'm feeling. I've never been good under stress...It's obvious, I crumble)

But... It's the weekend and I'm grateful for that!

Have a good weekend ;)

TGIF but feeling blue

Today's post is more on the mushy side, the mopey downer type post. Maybe my fellow readers can help me see things differently... Lately I have been having a feeling of overwhelming boredom. It's been creeping up slowly I'd say since the summer... I can't really understand it, I'm a busy gal... Now I work 9-5 come home and work on my online business and blogging which I love to do. Have many family and friends events I attend and I have fun (but i know my fun is sooo different than the fun I use to have... Is it age? getting older?) I don't know but the only word I can think of to describe my feelings is that I'm BORED! Ask me what I would rather be doing?... I don't know!? Even when I think of travelling, it's not that interesting to me and this is weird! Because I can put myself back in the 2007-2008 state of mind when husband and I traveled to Dominican, Cuba, San Diego, Bahamas within 1 year, even considered a move to San Diego! So I ask myself what has changed? I know many things have changed within the year, lost my job, moved, found my love for blogging;), found a new job, got another year older 2 more years to 30... I have many great people and things in my life and my days are always busy... So why do I feel soooo bored!? What am I missing?